related
by three broomsticks
Summary: Teddy and Victoire find that they are related. Oh dear. Something surely ensues.


**explanation:** i recently found out that teddy and victorie are related. boo. thanks, ellen for that. AND YOU HAVE MY BUTTER. I WANT MY BUTTER.

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Teddy and Victoire were sprawled out on the double bed in what used to be Ginny's room in the burrow. Amongst the empty boxes of pizza, numerous bone-dry bottles of pumpkin juice and a single half-finished, ill-hidden bottle of fire whiskey, you would see two different family trees. One framed and one captured in a photograph.

"No. _No._ I refuse to believe it. Not possible."

"It's there Victoire. Right there in black and... that parchment type colour."

"Well. This sucks," said Victoire, pouting and crossing her arms over her chest.

Teddy's golden eyes raked over the two family trees, for the umpteenth time. The Black and the Weasley family tree. He whispered the names as he read over them.

"Cedrella Weasley, once Black, mother of Author Weasley, father of Bill Weasley, father of you," said Teddy.

"And Grandma 'Dromeda Tonks, once Black, mother of Nymphadora Lupin, once Tonks, mother of you," sighed Victoire, getting off the bed to stretch her legs, which were clad in a pair of denim mini-shorts. A slightly warm breeze was considered a blessing in the middle of winter.

Teddy rolled onto his back and closed his eyes in deep thought while the wind blew up his faded Weird Sisters t-shirt.

"How can you be so cavalier, Theodore? We. Are. Related," huffed an exasperated Victorie.

Teddy opened his eyes with an amused expression on his face. "Not by blood. It's not incest."

"But. We're, like, cousins. Isn't that weird?"

"Fourth cousins. Once removed," he stated.

Victoire sat down on the window sill, letting her golden blonde hair blow around her face.

"Besides," said Teddy, changing his hair to a hot pink colour, "even if we were siblings, how can you resist this?" he jumped to his feet and struck a pose, looking stupider than ever.

Victoire giggled, covering her mouth and went to sit on the edge of the bed. Teddy followed to sit next to her, changing his hair back to its usual light blue colouring.

"What are we going to do?" asked Victoire, suddenly serious again.

Teddy got up a paced in a circle with a finger to his chin. "Eureka," he yelled, thrusting his hand into the air. "We will do... NOTHING!"

Victoire, though amused, rolled her eyes. "Don't be stupid, Teddy."

"Ouch, Victoire. That cut me deep," he said clutching a hand to his heart and feigning hurt.

Victoire stared at him. The horrid Look. Not even the darkest of wizards could stand The Look. That look is not your friend.

"Victoire. I hate to say that you're dampening my mood, but you are."

Victoire sighed and started to grope around underneath the bed for the fire whiskey. She found it and threw her head back, guzzling the drink, leaving only a drop or two in the bottom.

Teddy gasped. "My god, Victoire. You underage drunk. You're only seventeen."

"Oh, shush," she said, clumsily rolling the bottle back under the bed, and hitting her funny bone in the process. "Ow."

"You definitely inherited your mother's looks. And that veela charm," he said with a wink, "but you missed out on the co-ordination. Your co-ordination, or lack there of, must be a Weasley thing."

Victoire opened her mouth to retort, but Teddy held up a finger. "Don't even _try _to blame it on the alcohol. It hasn't even had a chance to digest in your body, yet. You might know that if you paid attention in class, instead of having sexual fantasies about me all the time."

Victoire blushed a deep scarlett, and hid her face with her hair.

"That's totally what you do, isn't it? We've unravelled the reason you're failing most of your classes."

Victoire looked up with a scowl on her lips. "I am _not _failing any of my classes," she said getting up and stalking towards Teddy, "and you are so full of yourself!" she said jabbing a finger into Teddy's chest, who was retreating with his hands in the air as a surrender. "You arse!" she said, slapping on the arm.

"Oh, come on," reasoned Teddy, rubbing his arm. "You love it," he grinned.

"I do," she said and hugged him around the waist and leaning her head against his chest.

He rested his head on hers and sighed. "I take it you're over the, 'cousin' issue, then?"

All was quiet for a slight moment, apart from the sound of the breeze through the open window, until Victoire nodded once. "I don't even think fourth cousins can be classified as 'related' anyway."

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**this is how i think they would deal with it.**  
**it's barely even related anyway.**

**review please! flames are welcome. no. flames are _desired._ there's nothing better than that fuzzy feeling you get on the inside when reading a comment about how much you and/or your work is hated and how much of a disgrace you are to this earth.**

**xx**  
**kaypea.**


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